coming to an end...
hi to all who peruse these stately affairs, i'll be here but never nearer. my mind is a trap door that shuts on unsuspecting notions of pristine purity. i am the fresh chalk that screeches the first warnings of impending doom. i am the the man who wants to be loved and love. so tell me, why is that all so difficult.
rather than be nice, i wish u to be cut throat, rather than a friend, i rather u banish me forever, rather than say maybe, i rather u say never, rather than hope, please drown me in sorrow.
its hard not to be a pessimist when it comes to the L word.
laughter was never the best medicine but the best concealer of wounds gone sour from raw, hurt mangled soul drained cold. i am not even making sense now.
i have the right to
i am hurt.
one third to go
its always the elusive girl that causes yr senses to go haywire. major reroute in yr plans to focus as it seems that nothing squeezes past the narrowest canals of the mind other than the gondola of love. venetian romantics aside, its what i don't get that kills me. my latest fave word comes aptly : eviscerate. I wish i do not always have crushes on all the wrong ppl (e.g. ppl who are taken, kooky and self centred) why can't heaven bestow upon me a person with a decent sense of humour and lotsa of TLc for me. as macho as i may be , my inner soul runs clockwork a la the new 007, craig daniels. You can have whatever that is left of me, whatever is left, that is not torn apart ... and so i vaguely remember. Its really worth more than a watch, the newest bond is the unheralded champion of lost causes in the world of espionage. it portrays an extremely realistic view of a man sloughing it out for her majesty despite the power she wields these days is nothing more than making tea time a grand affair.
migraine.... my head is like a ticking time bomb every time i anticipate a sms. i cringe, cower and cover myself in sheets of deceit that someday love will land softly and gently on my palm like a dove from heaven.
got to go now
for now
whatever is left of me... reminds me of great expectations... this is my heart, can u feel it, it is damaged. something along the lines, my memory works better than a toad with a chip implanted... still croaky :)
commitment
girl a girl b girl c
humans , not mere digits on my equation of unsuccessful dating and unrequited love stories.
I think i am an issue with commitment and loneliness.
i can;t cope with either , the bipolar ends of my frigid resolution towards independence and solidarity.
I crave for companionship and yet i relish the company of legions. to not rely on one and dangle on many. what am i? some cheap ride or scavenging mite that hops on to the bus towards the next city of bright lights. It ain't exactly aurora borealis out the window painting the mind scapes of my future me. its the grim reality of my failure to be one with myself. To stand tall and stand firm with every decision i make. to make things worth doing done. to climb the k2 and not fall .
Its watergate minus the floods, its ain't the prestidge , it's even not abt the money.
Its just some sweet ol' loving, I just need someone to shower love on me. Undying, selfless, unconditional love.
and so i barfed at the prospects of such optimism
a summary for each day
to be really honest, i have watching this thriller spookfest, supernatural.
every single episode breaks down the skepticism we face every single day.
in times of despair whereby rhyme or logic is not the norm. even science seems absurdly ineffective.
what do we turn to? where do we draw strength from? how do make things right?
answers we don't know, questions that left unanswered
today i ran 90mins, today i ate a great deal, today i done no work
today i feel half alive
