its been so long
what makes words flow?
what does it matter to anyone in the first place?
is it true that exam stress actually stems the creative flux in us? if one end is choked blocked, teeming with fastidious agents of information desperately reaching out of yr mind's grasp. (see what loonies we become after mugging ??) and because u desperately want to do well, u tell these hobbits bumming along to stop their movement : resistance is futile!
now for daily news, i seldom feel infuriated, i seldom dwell further than dismissing scanty remarks at will. someone managed to top them all, hail Ms Chan a.k.a bitch com tutor slash incompetent. there's a module all poor sods in yr 1 engineering has to take ; brush up their interpersonal skills, impress or at least try to do so during presentations- aptly titled effective communication. here's a pointer on fist clenching, when u make a fist , u can't hold anything in yr hands, when u open yr palm, the world is in yr hands. (fighter in the wind-lifestory of the founder of some hardcore karate clan) when u clench, u are devoid of life, merciless in pursuit to the peak. at all cost, at all cost.
Usually, warmin my ass on any random chair scattered in the nondescript classrooms is a routine despite my vehemence in being anything part of a constructive classroom environment. i am a radical, so i assume myself to be, non-conformist, bent on demolishing conventional ideals and provoking social stigmas.
nevertheless, the following piece of disclosure instigates my intention to tuck my fingers, binding it to flesh and skin, forming a mallet of pure destruction. "do u expect me to believe that u wrote all this??" i felt this sudden silent urge to explode into a million piercing shards. maiming her, a derelict life dependent on other lives thereafter. free will snatched. self imposed lurch on a payroll of debilitating debts.( oh she probably deserves better..... u think so?)
This tutor had the cheek to make me sit thru hrs of boring lifeless banter derived from slides we cld have read on our own. seriously, what the hell are u trying to prove? that readin from the slides, making minimal eye contact with yr audience is the way of winning presentations and it oozes the icing that cheese the deals we procure in future?? i mean its bloody nonsense we get judged by some old time -been there-done nothing-old fag whom only influence in life is to mark scripts and works that are way beyond her comprehension (sec sch wld have been yr field) she made the above mentioned remark on my TV review. makes me wanna puke- i would like to see her write- haven seen her do so- insignificant speck of cosmic glitter.
actually i lost all inspiration to write of late. one reason- i am at peace with myself. more so than eva or its just tt i chose one dominating reason over all nagging doubts from proliferating their pessism, tinkering the twigs of my sanity and making me wallow in sobs of misery.
i chosen life.
its beautiful.
life that creates life.
its possibilities that keep us going
fear that stops us in our tracks.
to hell with fear
heaven in here, my heart, my heart.
its finally clear.
posted by ruffmeowz @ 6:41 AM
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